Ye Olde Wordsmith Shoppe - Wiphset

Tired of such insipid drivel as the Twilight and Harry Potter series?  Hungry for something a little more adult and a lot less tween?  Get in line.  Also, might I suggest you read The Professor and the Madman: A Tale of Murder, Insanity, and the Making of the Oxford English Dictionary by Simon Winchester, an alternately engaging and informative account of the curious historical circumstances surrounding the creation of the first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary.

Lumberjack bearded lunatics; crackpot assassination conspiracies; stuffy Oxford academics; and cold-blooded accidental killing—how could you possibly go wrong?

Now this post is not a book review, nor is it meant to be a detailed plot synopsis or advertisement for Mr. Winchester's book (although if he or HarperCollins wish to throw some marketing cash my way for plugging a 1998 book, I shall begrudgingly accept).  In fact, the only reason that I even mention Winchester's book, aside from the fact that I enjoyed it, is that it serves as a pseudo-suitable introduction to [what I hope] will become a semi-regular addition to [F]ap [Cr]iction.  Or not.  My every whim is god here.

That's right.  It's all about me, and a [highly likely] one-time writing exercise.  Behold.  The first entry in the [F]ap [Cr]iction Lexicon of Obscure Terms and Fabricated Phrases That Will Fool Your Below Average Intelligence Friends Into Believing You're An Intellectual.  Or in modern day Internet parlance, [F][Cr]LOTFPTWFYBAIFIBYAI, for short.

NEW ENTRY: wiph·set \wif ˈset\ (noun)

Etymology: Middle English wiff; from Old English wīff; akin to Old High German wībb; literal translation: "the woman, who upon occasion, sexes [with] me."

Inflected Form(s): plural, wiphsets \wiv ˈzets\ - Archaic; generally frowned upon by modern day matriarchal society as chauvinistic and morally reprehensible; douchey; i.e., keep it on the sly, this isn't Utah.

Date: Shortly before the Big Bang, approximately 13.75 billion years ago--give or take several million years.

1 : term of endearment referring to a female partner in a marriage and/or long term [non-casual] sexual relationship.  (The wiphset and I cannot believe we're about to be parents again--cheap ass Trojan condoms!*)

Alternate:

wiph \ˈwəf \ (noun) slang
1 : derogatory term used to describe a temporary [casual] female sexual partner that, despite one's best efforts, simply will not go away.  (She was just supposed to be a one-night stand, but now she's gone full-blown wiph on me.)

Inflected Form(s):  past tense, wiphed \ˈwəft \ (verb) slang
1 : the act of inadvertently attaining a wiph.  (Not sure how I'm going to get rid of her; I really wiphed that one last night.)

wiph·less \ˈwi-fləs\ (adjective)
1: the state or condition of lacking a wiphset or wiph.  (He's been wiphless for months, which explains why he's been going through so much hand lotion lately.)

Photo Credit.

* To any parties reading into this innocent statement--no--we are not expecting again.  Fiction people, fiction.  Trojan condoms do suck, however.